


I Wish I Could Give You My Eyes

by xDeathMelodiesx



Category: I Don't Know How But They Found Me (Band), Panic! at the Disco, Young Veins
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Ryllon, Some angst, body issues, dallon is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 15:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21018206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDeathMelodiesx/pseuds/xDeathMelodiesx
Summary: “I wish I could give you my eyes so you could see how beautiful you are.”Ryan has some issues surrounding his fading self harm scars and Dallon is determined to show his boyfriend how beautiful he is, even with his scars.*title based on lyrics from Orange Juice by Melanie Martinez*





	I Wish I Could Give You My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for implied/referenced self harm and body issues. If that triggers you, please don’t read.

The smile on his face felt so fake. It reached his eyes but the happiness looked glazed over a deep rooted sadness. He was laughing along to a joke he didn’t understand, just wanting to hide behind something because he was so confused. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. He was dragged along to this party by Spencer and now he wanted to leave. 

Booming music hurt his ears and people were drunkenly swaying and dancing along to the heavy bass. He felt trapped, claustrophobic. He had to get out of here. 

An untouched cup of shitty beer was in his hand, sloshing around and spilling when he bumped into someone as he moved away from the conversation he got trapped in. 

He stuttered out an apology, blushing profusely and looking at his feet. The person just giggled and said “Hey, it’s okay. I was planning on throwing this out soon anyway.”

Ryan looked up and was met with warm blue eyes that crinkled at the edges. Those eyes felt like they were a million feet above him, the person towering over Ryan. They were like a skyscraper compared to him. 

“O-oh, okay. Um, I’m Ryan. Sorry about that again,” he rambled on.

A finger to his lips silenced him. “I already said it’s okay. I’m Dallon by the way. Besides, it’s not every day that you literally run into such a cute person,” Dallon winked at him and Ryan felt himself flush again. 

He started stuttering again, “W-well, uh, I... I can help you, um, clean-clean up.”

“Sure.”

Ryan hesitantly grabbed his hand and dragged him to the kitchen, letting go of Dallon’s calloused hands to grab a paper towel. He dabbed at the wet stain, wrinkling his nose when the stench of alcohol hit his nose. Fighting off a vivid memory, he pressed his hands against Dallon’s chest, blushing once again when Ryan felt the skin underneath. He began to sweat, teenage hormones seeping into his focus. 

Throwing the now damp cloth away, Ryan turned around and stumbled only to be caught by Dallon, falling into his arms. 

“Oh!” Ryan tried backing away but Dallon held him close.

“What do you say we abandon the party and head back to my place,” He whispered lowly, a smirk forming on his face. Ryan found himself nodding and being swept away from the noise into the quiet, chilly air of autumn. 

Dallon held his hand as they ran to a little apartment around the block. Tremors of anticipation went through both of them as Dallon unlocked the door, opening it and shoving Ryan against the wood, hearing the click of the lock close behind him. Lips were locked together, tongues dancing and teeth clacking as hands wandered and hickeys were made. 

They tumbled onto the bed, still making out until Dallon pulled back and yanked his shirt off. He moved to remove Ryan’s and he hesitantly moved, letting Dallon take the fabric off of his chest, holding his breath. Ryan’s eyes closed and a moment of silence passed over them. He was about to recoil and send Dallon a whirlwind of apologies before running but a hand on his hip stopped him. A kiss was placed there and a sharp gasp left his lips. 

The bed creaked and rattled from their forceful, lustful movements. And that night, for the first time, Ryan felt loved. Not the fake kind, the real, genuine kind that held care. Dallon kept checking on him every once in a while, asking if it hurt or if there was anything else Ryan needed. And after, he was about to leave, clearly thinking this was a meaningless fling but Dallon offered a shower and a place to sleep that night. 

Never in a million years did he think that this would keep going, three years later. 

-

“Dal?” Ryan called up the stairs, searching the cupboards.

“Yeah?”

“Do you mind if I go to the store in a few? We need bread, cereal, coffee and milk.”

“Just let me come down to kiss you goodbye,” Dallon replied, stepping down the stairs. Ryan greeted him there and pulled him down so they could kiss. Their lips collided sweetly and briefly despite Dallon’s attempts to take it further. 

“Mmm, that’s for tonight babe,” Ryan said slyly. “Anything you need or want from the store?”

“Um, could you grab a couple of those paraffin candles? The unscented and colorless ones? Oh, and more coconut oil, we used the last of it during our little session a couple of days ago,” he winked, sending a blush up to Ryan’s cheeks. 

“Fine you horny little shit.”

“We both know I’m not little Ryan.”

“Why did I ever start dating you again?”

“My charm lured you in.”

“Whatever,” Ryan rolled his eyes and kissed Dallon once more. “I’m off to find the candles and oil, I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

“Okay, I love you!”

“No, I love you more.” 

“Not possible.” 

“Fine, you win. Don’t forget, tonight’s date night!”

“I won’t, see you later.”

“Bye,” the door closed behind him, Ryan shook his head and chuckled fondly. Three years later and they still acted the same way as they did when they first started dating. 

The car engine roared and he was off, cruising down the street, watching people and other cars pass. His thoughts wandered. After all these years, he was still self conscious about his scars, the white and pink lines that glared at him every time he took his clothes off. Dallon made sure to kiss or caress them at any chance but it still hurt to look at them. And today, he felt more ashamed of them.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Ryan got out of his car and locked it, entering the store and immediately grabbing a basket. He wandered over to the bread, grabbing a loaf. The thoughts wanted to come back but he pushed them back, focusing on grabbing the cereal. He quickly sent a text to Dallon as he didn’t know what cereal to get. 

Ryan: hey, which cereal?

Dallon: Mini Wheats please

Ryan: okay, thank you

Dallon: No problem ❤️

Ryan still felt hollow and empty even after the sweet gesture. Instead of responding, he just closed his phone and set out to find the rest of the groceries. He ignored the cashier who tried to hit on him as he checked out, heading out as soon as he could. 

The clock read 4:34, their date only half an hour away. Ryan drove home as quickly as he could, entering their shared home with an armful of food and candles. Dallon came to help him out, taking one of the bag and shooing him upstairs so he could get dressed. It was just a simple sushi restaurant they were going to so he grabbed a blue button up and some ripped, black, skinny jeans. 

Dallon was waiting for him at the door, dressed in a similar attire with a burgundy shirt and black jeans. Ryan slipped on his Vans and they were out of the door, walking instead of driving. Cool breeze brushed past them, ruffling their clothes and hair, a large contrast to the warmth of their home. 

They stepped into the restaurant but time started to melt together for Ryan. He barely remembered their conversations at dinner, couldn’t remember the name of the place or the meal and all that he knew was that he was at home with Dallon tugging at his shirt, kissing up his neck. 

“Wait,” Ryan murmured. 

The movements halted, big blue eyes looking up at him, “What’s wrong?”

“Just... just don’t look at my scars, okay?”

“Ryan...” Dallon said softly. “I don’t care about them, even though they stain your skin, they’re still beautiful and I could never hate them.”

“It’s not that, I feel so ugly and unlovable because of them. I still don’t know why you wanted to date the depressed idiot that was covered in cuts and bruises. I mean, how many times did you walk into the bathroom, only to find your boyfriend had relapsed and was on the floor with a blade over his arm?”

He let out a sob, tears falling fast and hard. Dallon wrapped his arms around him, pulling Ryan close. “Oh baby. I wish I could give you my eyes cause I know yours aren’t working, they can’t see how gorgeous you are. I love you because of your personality, how you hold so much love but only show it to certain people. How your eyes light up when you see something you like, how you always offer up your help. You’re so fucking beautiful, you just can’t see it.”

Choked noises left Ryan, “Thank you. I’m sorry I ruined the mood.”

“It’s okay, honestly Ryan. I’m always down for cuddling with you.”

“How did I find such a perfect person?” Ryan asked.

“I could say the same thing,” Dallon replied, kissing him deeply.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this seems rushed, it was but hopefully you like it!


End file.
